Broke Man

A broke man once told his story. He said, "I asked a payment of $1000 from every adult who had never made a mistake. Somehow I ended up owing money."

Unforgottended

Lost. 

Unfounded. 

Weirded.

Disconnected from an unmeshed world. 

Where am I?

Give me a reason to help

She poured coke into the glass which belonged to no one, then into my friend's whose reaction was silence, and then into mine, which I then thanked her for. What is the difference between pouring into a glass of which no one will claim and into one which the owner is as silent as foam? Where is the gratitude? The appreciation?

Each action has a reaction.

Therefore, in order for you to do 'good' you must have someone to recognize, appreciate, thank you for, etc. your action. The waitress who poured the coke was getting paid, that was her 'recognition.' But what about volunteer work? What about the people who fight for what they think is 'right' when they either get shunned or ignored? Well those very same people may even find a group of rebels or what have you to support their ideals. But what about those who do good when no one is around, when the reaction to their action is either far-fetched, impossible, or invisible. Or self-fulfilling.

Reactions fuel actions.

If you filled a tank of gas with gas, but the car refused to run, would you try overflowing the tank with gas to see if the car would start? No. You would look for the problem elsewhere, and if you cannot find the problem, a reaction to your many actions, or a solution to your observed problems, you would say the car is finished. Therefore, without reactions, actions would seize to exist. Without some sort of payment, good actions would halt.

Let's change the string of logic, since every action does not lead to a reaction. For every ward there is a reward. But who will give it? Why continue with good without believing in receiving a higher reward? If there were no belief in a higher power, then many people who do good for that seemingly mystical reason would simply stop. I know I would.

The world is full of self-centered deceiving jerks, and if you consider yourself an adult, you will have come across at least one of these people in your short or long life. Don't allow yourself to sulk in pity of self or others and to drill yourself a spot in that room of losers. Be the one who knocks on that door to call people to leave it.

Don't do good for anyone who does not have the means to reward you. And the only one who can reward you is some sort of infinite power which inevitably drives us all. Call that force what you will. Most people call it:

God.

The only One worth doing anything for. And He has the power/means/justice/mercy to reward you with more than you ever deserve. Forgive those who wrong you because of your good actions, and adjust your intention to please only the Almighty.

Sole

Apply yourself, but do not exhaust, but do not hide, but do not prance, nor strut, but embrace the waves as they come to take you away, should they choose to raise the tide.

Rapex

Breathe fountains of lush, gushing surges of movement, leaving scrapes of rouge, reaching apex of mind.

Shovel.

This is it.

The moment when everything changes.
For me.

This is when composition and physicality mate to produce an offspring called masterpiece.

I have placed this mode on hold till told idea's not sold. Bold strokes, smooth grooves, sharp cuts into infinite canvas.

I am prepared for guiding genius.

I will commence brilliance.

Finally I have direction, purpose, drive, arriving in time for the grand finale.

Reverse roads unfold smoldering holdings of gold.

Dig.

Pleads

Do not project your insecurity on those who you believe to be your mirror.

Do not blame them for your own faults.

Do not analyze their actions based on the disappointments you have in yourself.

Do not allow your own incompetence to erode relationships because of lack of encouragement and profuse jealousy.

Privelege

I was on North Avenue walking back to my car carrying a bag of a 12-dollar fast food meal from Epic Burger and I saw a peach woman talking on her phone in her Audi with one hand on her Louis Vuitton.

Stated observations lack purpose without implied meaning.

What I want

I don't want to go back to better days. I want to find good days in the future. 

Are Fire

Don't cry my dear, because when fire gives up, its own tears put it out.

This

I looked up to smile at him. He didn't even shift. He had a beautiful face, and a piercing in his upper ear lobe. I wondered what circumstances forced him. I wanted to write a story about him, one that would explore all the intricacies of the overlooked, the invisibles. It was a moment of cliche at its apex. But that doesn't delegitimize my perception. There is a reason why similar stories or phrases are constantly repeated. They have unshakable and constant meaning and presence.

He left at some point and I didn't even notice. I was too busy jotting down my ideas which sound like a voice-over in a film based on a true story, or maybe a boring novel. I sit using this connection to the whole world, when I wonder how connected to the world he is, or whichever world he wishes to be a part of. I have the lower hand in that my fingers type at the height of the keyboard on the desk, while his hands push the top of the broom to sweep the dirt we left behind.

Rue Teen

I arrived home at 12:16 am. It was a long day at school. I worked on my model, drawings, and the event we are planning that feels more and more imminent. It was exhausting. I parked my car to the right of my dad's old Cadillac on our driveway, my typical spot. Once I pulled in, I lost control of my body. In a matter of possibly 5 seconds my hands managed to put the stick in park, unbuckle my seatbelt, remove the keys from the ignition, throw my phone in my bag, grab that day's garbage, put my bag over my shoulder, slide my jacket through the space between the straps and my shoulder, and unlock the door. I only reached consiousness when I  placed one foot on the concrete. I froze for a moment. I am a robot. A programmed robot.
This is how I move everyday. Sometimes I force myself to slow down. To just stop everything and sit. And stare. To feel how it feels to have an empty head. An idle mind. It's refreshing.

thawt

dear reader, eye-user, mind-tapper,


i guess i am supposed to tell you how i feel about my days? 


i can describe my days as being perfect. that even in difficult days i feel content. there is so much to love.
to take. to feel. to think. to _____. infinity. 


it is so unbearably ungrateful to wake up disappointed. its not about being happy to be alive, its that you have the privilege of viewing this message on the internet on a computer or hand-held device or something insane as such. 


people do good for many reasons. and some people do good to get recognized by others. but what happened to recognizing the good in you that was given to you from birth?
why all the personal arrogance?
look in the mirror. that in itself is a feat. to look means to see, which means you have eyes that allow you to realize the world in which you live. check one off the list. next, look at your features. beautiful, in every way, and different, in so many ways, in ways that don't appeal to you. but it matters and is perfect. 
you are perfect. 

utter

the tears of absence knock. i refuse to open. i locked the door and melted the key.
vocal cords remind me of a lost love.
sad songs rejuvinate sorrow.
'you destroyed my soul'
as if love is the only thing we need to live for.
as if without it, we cannot survive.
as if it is a part of the human fabric.

the night listens. but cannot respond.
the day witnesses. but cannot protect.
the evening is confused. and is useless.

the pain of a locked love is melodic.
the charm of happiness cannot compete.

there is only one eternal that we can turn to.

God is greatest.