not leenamielus
theres a sting in my chest
with every thought i have
of the last time i saw you
memories how amazing they can be.
the repugnant feeling i have towards you
melts away as i think back to the last time i saw you
my break in emotion is not because you left me with such a touching
memory that my heart softens at the thought of it
no not at all
its the thought that that was the last memory you left for me
maybe not even that
its the thought of what that means to me
maybe not even that?
this last image i will have of you
this image that is ingrained in my mind
this image that breaks the strength i have worked so hard to build
this image you have left me with
it has created such confusion in me
as i bring my head to the floor and bow down to my Lord asking for mercy
Thanking Him for everything He has given me, blessed me with
while lately it doesn't seem like much I think of all the little
things I am blessed with
and then there it goes
flashing before my mind
I shut my eyes tight
not now, please I am trying to be thankful
DEAARR GODD I am thankful
but this pain. as i realize this is the last memory. i will ever
create with him.
and then i think. Dear God thank you for making it a happy memory.
thank you for creating a calm around it. thank you for helping me
remember every little emotion and detail from it
so that i can be grateful that at least it was a goodbye.
I can remember every ray of confidence i had in the fact i would see him again
I can feel in my heart, sure as can be, that I will see that face again
still.
i can feel every. vivid. image in my mind. watching it like a movie
with emotions attached.
Grateful.
HOW?
WHY?
Guilt.
and then the guilt floods in.
How happy can i be that we left on a good note.
I remember the days when i feared things would end on a bad note
I got what i wanted right?
everything done. finished out happily. not knowing.
so where is this guilt coming from?
while i know i can answer the question
i am grateful i dont have to. out loud.
I will be grateful if I never again have to worry about whether my
last memory of you
will evoke a distasteful sadness or a bright, smiling, carefree, easy goodbye.
with every thought i have
of the last time i saw you
memories how amazing they can be.
the repugnant feeling i have towards you
melts away as i think back to the last time i saw you
my break in emotion is not because you left me with such a touching
memory that my heart softens at the thought of it
no not at all
its the thought that that was the last memory you left for me
maybe not even that
its the thought of what that means to me
maybe not even that?
this last image i will have of you
this image that is ingrained in my mind
this image that breaks the strength i have worked so hard to build
this image you have left me with
it has created such confusion in me
as i bring my head to the floor and bow down to my Lord asking for mercy
Thanking Him for everything He has given me, blessed me with
while lately it doesn't seem like much I think of all the little
things I am blessed with
and then there it goes
flashing before my mind
I shut my eyes tight
not now, please I am trying to be thankful
DEAARR GODD I am thankful
but this pain. as i realize this is the last memory. i will ever
create with him.
and then i think. Dear God thank you for making it a happy memory.
thank you for creating a calm around it. thank you for helping me
remember every little emotion and detail from it
so that i can be grateful that at least it was a goodbye.
I can remember every ray of confidence i had in the fact i would see him again
I can feel in my heart, sure as can be, that I will see that face again
still.
i can feel every. vivid. image in my mind. watching it like a movie
with emotions attached.
Grateful.
HOW?
WHY?
Guilt.
and then the guilt floods in.
How happy can i be that we left on a good note.
I remember the days when i feared things would end on a bad note
I got what i wanted right?
everything done. finished out happily. not knowing.
so where is this guilt coming from?
while i know i can answer the question
i am grateful i dont have to. out loud.
I will be grateful if I never again have to worry about whether my
last memory of you
will evoke a distasteful sadness or a bright, smiling, carefree, easy goodbye.
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