Such deep reflections mashAllah. This really moved me.
I understand your struggle. And you are so positive mashAllah. You are not alone in this Regina, there are others who struggle through this as well. Including myself.
The fear and reality of desertion by a loved one. But they still love us. They just want to love us and want us in their lives in the way they want it. And they want to make decisions that affect everyone, but only 'benefit' themselves. It's a struggle for them too. I think maybe if we reflect on why they do or did what they have, it may help us with coping, understanding, and coming to peace with it.
It is difficult. And inshAllah the reward is with Allah.
You know Regina, I have been struggling through some things as well, and although I still feel at ease and content (alhamdulillah) I still don't mind death. I don't mind leaving this world. I don't mind ending my term, my imprisonment in this life. It is not a pessimistic or surrenderist attitude, but one of facing reality and believing in the hereafter. I am only 23. And i have heard much and seen much, and suffered little alhamdulillah. And if at only 23, this much exposure, how much more will be revealed about this world than what has already been? This thought, this perception of the world, in turn forces me to turn to my ONLY Protector, Sustainer. My one and only Waly. Allah. God. No human can help, no human can be relied on, no human can be trusted, except with that Allah Has Guided and Entrusted them with. I speak to you, my love, about this, because I feel all struggles are parallel in one way or another, and that the true solution is to resolve to dependancy only on the Lord. Which you have done. So strongly mashAllah. I admire that.
Keep up the protons. Keep your hope and faith in God, as you have already. Keep me in your prayers. Keep striving to achieve levels of faith that you see but are not working to reach.
Believe in His Mercy. His Grace. SubhanAllah wa bihamdih.
Love you Regina,
Leena
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